Why 2016 Was Fucking Awful For Everyone Except Britney Spears

2016 was just the fucking worst for everyone.

2016 was just the fucking worst for everyone.

Everyone EXCEPT Britney Spears.

Billboard Music Awards

2016 was one of Britney’s best.

2016 was one of Britney's best.

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

In 2016, Albert Einstein literally returned from the dead to wish her a happy birthday.

In 2016, Albert Einstein literally returned from the dead to wish her a happy birthday.

She finally came clean about her wild past.

She finally came clean about her wild past.

Her heel toss in that music video converted like a thousand gay men straight*.

*Not a good thing just shows impact.

As the kind and charitable woman she is, Britney donated her time to mopping a stage floor with her hair…

… and taking a sad & downtrodden woman named “Ellen” shopping.

In 2016, Britney performed in London for the first time in 72 years…

…grabbed G-Eazy’s dick…

...grabbed G-Eazy's dick...

Michael Loccisano / Getty Images

…and successfully kidnapped her niece.

...and successfully kidnapped her niece.

In 2016, Britney’s “Piece Of Me” Vegas show was the best its ever been.

She dabbled in “artsy fartsy” experimental theater with her spoken word rendition of Meredith Brooks’ “Bitch.”

Damn go awf bitch @britneyspears

— sadhoeflo (@sadhoeflo)

And in her spare time, she Googled corn.

And in her spare time, she Googled corn.

In 2016, Britney walked the red carpet looking like a damn flawless queen.

In 2016, Britney walked the red carpet looking like a damn flawless queen.

Jamie Mccarthy / Getty Images

She took a sip from the fountain of youth and looked like three days over 18.

She took a sip from the fountain of youth and looked like three days over 18.

And was gifted a really, really small taco.

And was gifted a really, really small taco.

In 2016, Britney successfully renamed Tinashe, “Tinasha.”

Queen of Names. #KIISJingleBall #TinaSHA

— Danno (@DannyWxo)

She was voted “best President.”

She was voted "best President."

And she literally hung out by pools and oceans all the time because she’s rich as hell.

And she literally hung out by pools and oceans all the time because she's rich as hell.

Winning much?!

In 2016, Britney turned into a human form of Gumby.

In 2016, Britney turned into a human form of Gumby.

She put a call out for a hot nerd with a really big penis…

…and she got exactly just that!

...and she got exactly just that!

Then she died.

Then she died.

And came back to life. A miracle!

And came back to life. A miracle!

To wrap it up: All wasn’t perfect for Britney in 2016 like that time she went on a date with a lizard.

But still…

Britney performed hard as fuck in her first major award show in years…

…did fucking back flips…

ABC / Via newnownext.com

…brought back that Britney smile…

MTV

…released her best album in YEARS…

...released her best album in YEARS...

RCA

…ruled the VMA stage…

...ruled the VMA stage...

Michael Loccisano / Getty Images

…got her literal groove back…

...got her literal groove back...

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

…and inspired us all to be better, stronger people. If there’s one good thing about 2016 it’s that Britney Spears came out on top.

...and inspired us all to be better, stronger people. If there's one good thing about 2016 it's that Britney Spears came out on top.

Isaac Brekken / Getty Images

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